i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize