the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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