Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
