I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
