I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were trust falling into bushes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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