Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I cockslap morals
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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