I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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