did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
