I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
