i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
