fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
