im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she peed on how many people?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
