Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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