And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
