ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
