why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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