i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
