with your own penis?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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