non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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