my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
