I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Need sex. Gaining weight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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