just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
