I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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