sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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