Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
