So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
