I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
