he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
