I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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