shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
