Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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