Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
