So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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