Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
