I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
