I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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