I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
