There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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