I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
