Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
