Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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