I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize