please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
