You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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