There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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