Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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