I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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