I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
