I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
