you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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