I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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