How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
