I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
