Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
