i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
