yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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