I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
