She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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