Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
