Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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