And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i've created a new STD.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
