i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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