When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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