I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
