good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
