Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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