question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
